Research on Pocahontas and the Pillsbury Doughboy Provide Answers to Chess Politics Questions

In endless pursuit of my family "Bush", I have recently discovered some more totally non-chess political facts about my family. It seems that the recent discovery of Powhatan's village has produced substantial evidence at least to me, that I am directly related to Pochohantas. It seems that my great-great-great-great grandfather Harry D. Pillsbury, played Pohowtan in a chess match in the fields east of the Virginia piedmont in 1645. Since chess pieces had not yet been brought over by the colonists, Pohowtan and Pillsbury had to create their pieces out of natural materials. Pillsbury was a baker by trade and decided to make his pieces out of fresh bread dough.

When Pillsbury attempted to play the Old Indian defense against Powhatan's d4 however, Powhatan took offense and only the direct intercession by Pocahontas, Powhatan's daughter saved the life of not only Pillsbury, but also the lives of the Jamestown colonists. Pohowton won the shortened match +4 -2 =1.

Here is where the plot thickens. Pillsbury was so attached to his little bread dough chessmen that after marrying Pocahontas' younger sister they named their first born Doughboy N. Pillsbury. In papers found while doing research in the Virginia State Correctional facility on geneology, I found that Doughboy N. Pillsbury later had his name legally changed in Virginia to Pillsbury N. Doughboy. Pillsbury's grandson went on to found the famous Pillsbury Corporation which to this day makes cookie dough, bread dough and cake mixes.

Interesting research further reveals that my ex girl friend Fulla Passion was related to Pillsbury as well as to President Bush. It seems that Moses had once heard a burning bush speak, and therefore Moses' second cousin 15 times removed named their child Aaron Bush who then migrated in 1100 BC by raft to North America where he established villages in Illinois and Iowa and mingled with the native people of those regions. Bush had to choose between two lovely Native American maidens, Bird in the Hand, or Two in the Bush Since we all know that a Bird in the hand is worth more than Two in the Bush and also because Bush didn't want to marry someone else named Bush, he married Bird in the Hand. Bird in the Hand was the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother of my ex girl friend Fulla Passion and incidentally Bird in the Hand and her husband Aaron Bush were also direct ancestors of Doughboy N. Pillsbury.

For those of you who don't know, Fulla is my extremely beautiful but violently tempered ex-girlfriend who once threatened to eviscerate me with her painted fingernails, if I came within 50 feet of her. Fulla is presently seeking the comfort and solace of the Count of Silesia and his entire court, but I digress. Now that I find out we are practically blood brother and blood sister however I am hoping she will not kill me if I try to talk with her.

For those who are unsure where this is leading which would include myself, it appears that Harry N. Pillsbury the great grandson of Doughboy N. Pillsbury and the famous American chessplayer did not really die of what everyone assumes he died of. He actually died from a yeast infection caught from his wife who was the sister of Passion Flour whom Neil Brennen has done extensive historical research on. Actually this is somehow related to the curse of Tecumseh which managed to pass over George W. Bush and his father and instead killed Harry N. Pillsbury. There is some evidence as yet unclear that both Tecumseh and Pohowtan had put a curse on the Pillsbury family which decreed that all people descended from the original Pillsbury family would die of a yeast infection, and that there wives would die of the same thing a year later, particularly if they were related in some way to an American president.

Stay tuned for more details as this fascinating and totally relevant chess political topic unravels, or should I say as more details "rise" to the surface.

Best Regards,

Bruce Draney


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